Expectations vs. Agreements

Last Updated on October 14, 2021

What are expectations and what are agreements?

Coach Steve Chandler had this to say:

You have two choices in your relationships with others. You can have relationships based on expectations or relationships based on agreements.
Expectations are cowardly and self-defeating. They are cowardly because by expecting things of others, I place all responsibility outside myself. I expect my co-worker to do his job right, I expect my family member to behave a certain way, and the list goes on. When I am unhappy it’s because of them. Expectations lead to disappointments. It’s a miserable life expecting so much of others and suffering so much disappointment and betrayal.
Agreements are courageous and creative. They honor the other person. They are coauthored between two composers of the agreement. People give their word and keep it.
People honor agreements to a far greater degree than they live up to expectations. They feel stressed when their head is full of expectations of them. They feel pressure and resentment. They rebel. (Ever notice? Do you have children? Employees?) But create a good agreement? Both sides win.

Want to go deeper?

🔊 This 30 minute clip might save you lots of therapy

💎 Reminds of me something one of those gurus said:

Peace begins when expectation ends. ― Sri Chinmoy

🧠 Build your latticework!
Revisit related mental models:
Askers vs. Guessers
Confirmation Bias
Fundamental Attribution Error